What Is EMDR Therapy? What It Feels Like and How It Can Help

Sometimes knowing why you feel the way you do is not enough to change it.

You might understand that something happened years ago. You know that you survived it. You know that your life is different now.

But part of you still responds as if it is happening.

A certain tone of voice makes your stomach drop. Conflict makes you shut down. Rejection feels unbearable. A sexual experience brings up anxiety you cannot explain. You know you are safe, but your body does not seem to believe you.

This is where EMDR therapy can be helpful.

I use EMDR in my practice in Edmond, Oklahoma, particularly when clients understand what happened to them but continue to feel the effects of those experiences in their everyday lives.

What Is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

It is a structured form of psychotherapy originally developed by psychologist Francine Shapiro to treat trauma.

EMDR is probably best known for using eye movements during therapy. However, there is much more to EMDR than moving your eyes back and forth.

The goal is to help your brain process experiences that continue to feel emotionally unresolved.

Normally, we experience something, make sense of it, and eventually integrate it into the larger story of our lives.

We remember what happened, but we are not constantly experiencing the same emotional intensity that we felt when it occurred.

Sometimes that process seems to get stuck.

You know something happened in the past, but a reminder of it can make your mind and body respond as though the threat is still happening now.

EMDR gives us a structured way to work with those experiences.

What Happens During EMDR?

We do not immediately start processing the most painful thing that has ever happened to you.

Before trauma processing begins, I want to understand what is bringing you to therapy, what you have experienced, how you typically cope with distress, and what you want to change.

We also spend time preparing.

That might involve developing strategies for managing difficult emotions, identifying resources you can use when you become overwhelmed, and making sure you understand what to expect from the process.

When we eventually begin processing a particular experience, I will ask you to bring different parts of it to mind.

That might include an image, a negative belief about yourself, an emotion, or a physical sensation.

We then use something called bilateral stimulation.

What Is Bilateral Stimulation?

Bilateral stimulation simply means alternating stimulation between the two sides of your body.

Eye movements are the method most people associate with EMDR. You may follow something visually as it moves from one side to the other.

There are other options as well.

Some people prefer alternating tapping or another form of bilateral stimulation.

During this process, I will periodically stop and ask you what you are noticing.

You might notice a new thought.

A different memory might appear.

Your emotions may change.

You might notice something happening in your body.

Sometimes people suddenly make connections they had never made before.

There is no specific response I am looking for.

You notice what comes up, and we work from there.

What Does EMDR Feel Like?

This is usually what people actually want to know before trying it.

EMDR can feel very different from traditional talk therapy.

You are not necessarily spending the entire session explaining what happened or analyzing why you feel a certain way.

During processing, there may actually be relatively little talking.

I might ask you what you notice, you give me a short answer, and then we continue.

Your mind can move through thoughts, memories, emotions, images, and physical sensations surprisingly quickly.

Sometimes the connections make immediate sense.

Sometimes they do not.

You might start with a memory from adulthood and suddenly think about something that happened when you were twelve.

You might notice anger and then realize there is sadness underneath it.

You might begin the session believing something was your fault and gradually find that belief becoming harder to hold onto.

You might also have a session where the changes are much more subtle.

There is no requirement that you cry, have a breakthrough, or experience something dramatic.

Will EMDR Make Me Relive My Trauma?

You will be asked to bring aspects of an experience to mind, so EMDR can sometimes be emotionally uncomfortable.

But the goal is not to force you to relive every detail of what happened.

You are sitting in my office in the present while remembering something from the past.

That distinction matters.

Part of the work is helping your brain recognize that the experience happened, but it is not happening now.

We also control the pace.

If something becomes too overwhelming, we can slow down or stop.

You remain in control throughout the process.

Do I Have to Tell You Everything That Happened?

No.

You can tell me as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable sharing.

I need enough information to understand what we are working on and provide appropriate treatment, but EMDR does not require you to give me a detailed verbal description of every part of an experience.

That can make EMDR particularly useful when something feels difficult to talk about.

There are experiences people carry tremendous shame around.

There are things you may not have words for.

There may also be memories that are fragmented or difficult to explain.

We can still work with the emotional response connected to them.

What Can EMDR Help With?

EMDR is best known as a treatment for trauma and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

However, the experiences that affect us are not always limited to a single catastrophic event.

Sometimes the things that shape us happened repeatedly.

Growing up feeling unwanted.

Being bullied.

Living in an unpredictable home.

Experiencing rejection because of your identity.

Being taught that your sexuality was shameful.

Feeling like you constantly had to hide parts of yourself.

Experiencing manipulation or coercion in relationships.

Being repeatedly criticized.

Learning that being yourself was unsafe.

Those experiences can influence how you see yourself and how you respond to situations years later.

In therapy, I may incorporate EMDR when working with trauma, anxiety, shame, relationship wounds, religious trauma, sexual trauma, difficult sexual experiences, grief, negative beliefs about yourself, or experiences that continue to trigger strong emotional reactions.

EMDR for Religious Trauma and Shame

Some experiences do not initially look like trauma because they happened gradually.

Religious trauma can be a good example.

Maybe you spent years hearing that something fundamental about you was wrong.

Maybe you were taught to fear your sexuality.

Maybe questioning what you had been taught meant risking your family, friends, community, or entire support system.

You can leave that environment and intellectually reject those messages while still feeling their effects.

You might know there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA plus and still experience shame around sex.

You might no longer believe in a particular religious teaching but still experience anxiety when you violate one of its rules.

You might understand that you are allowed to live differently and still feel guilty for doing it.

EMDR can give us a way to work with the experiences and beliefs underneath those reactions rather than simply reminding yourself that you should not feel that way.

EMDR and Sexual Trauma

Sexual experiences can affect the way someone relates to their body, sexuality, relationships, and sense of safety.

That does not only apply to experiences involving physical violence.

Coercion, pressure, unwanted sexual experiences, violations of boundaries, painful experiences, shame, and situations where you did not feel able to say no can continue affecting intimacy long after the experience itself has ended.

Sometimes the effects appear in ways people do not immediately connect with trauma.

You might avoid intimacy.

You might become anxious during sex.

You might mentally disconnect from what is happening.

You might struggle to communicate what you want.

Or you may feel shame about your own desires even when you know there is nothing inherently wrong with them.

EMDR can be one part of addressing those experiences while helping you develop a healthier relationship with your body, sexuality, and sense of choice.

EMDR and Neurodivergent Clients

Autistic and neurodivergent people can absolutely participate in EMDR.

But that does not mean EMDR should look exactly the same for every person.

Some people need more time to process questions.

Some experience emotions primarily through physical sensations.

Some have difficulty assigning a number to how distressed they feel.

Some need more structure and predictability before beginning trauma processing.

Sensory needs can also influence which type of bilateral stimulation feels comfortable.

Those differences are not reasons someone cannot do EMDR.

They are reasons therapy needs to be adapted.

My job is not to make you perform therapy correctly.

My job is to figure out how to make therapy work for you.

How Effective Is EMDR?

EMDR has a substantial research base, particularly for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

Unlike some newer trauma therapies, EMDR has been studied for decades.

Major professional and health organizations recognize EMDR as an evidence based treatment for PTSD.

That does not mean every person responds to EMDR in exactly the same way.

No psychotherapy works for everyone.

Some people experience significant improvement relatively quickly. Other people need considerably more time, particularly when they are dealing with multiple traumatic experiences, longstanding patterns, ongoing stress, or complex relationship histories.

The goal is not to promise that EMDR will erase what happened.

You will still remember your experiences.

What can change is the amount of emotional power those experiences continue to have over you.

Does EMDR Erase Memories?

No.

EMDR does not remove memories.

The goal is to help you remember something without experiencing the same level of distress that was previously attached to it.

Imagine thinking about something painful from your past.

You still know what happened.

You still recognize that it mattered.

But instead of immediately feeling like you are back inside that experience, it begins to feel like something that happened to you.

That difference can be significant.

The memory remains.

Your relationship with the memory changes.

How Long Does EMDR Take?

There is no universal number of sessions.

Someone working through a single traumatic event may have a very different treatment experience from someone addressing years of trauma, shame, difficult relationships, or repeated experiences of rejection.

We also do not have to spend every session doing EMDR.

Sometimes we process.

Sometimes we talk.

Sometimes something happens during your week that needs our attention.

Sometimes we decide another approach would be more helpful.

EMDR is a tool within therapy, not the entirety of therapy.

What Happens After an EMDR Session?

You may continue processing after the session ends.

You might notice new thoughts or memories.

You might have vivid dreams.

You may recognize connections you had not previously noticed.

Sometimes you simply feel tired.

Other times you may notice that something that normally bothers you does not feel quite as intense.

I encourage clients to pay attention to what they notice between sessions without feeling like they need to analyze every thought or reaction.

We can talk about what came up when we meet again.

Is EMDR Right for You?

EMDR may be worth considering if experiences from your past continue influencing your present.

Maybe you understand why you react the way you do, but understanding has not changed the reaction.

Maybe you have spent years trying to talk yourself out of feeling anxious, ashamed, unsafe, or unworthy.

Maybe you are tired of knowing that something is over while still feeling like part of you is living inside it.

EMDR gives us another way of working with those experiences.

I do not believe that every client needs EMDR, and I do not use it simply because I am trained in it.

Therapy should be individualized to the person sitting in front of me.

Sometimes we need to talk.

Sometimes we need practical skills.

Sometimes we need to understand where a pattern came from.

And sometimes you already understand exactly where it came from.

Now you want to change it.

EMDR Therapy in Edmond, Oklahoma

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and provide EMDR and trauma therapy through Pride in Self Counseling in Edmond, Oklahoma.

My practice focuses on working with adults experiencing trauma, anxiety, shame, intimacy concerns, sexual health concerns, relationship difficulties, religious trauma, and patterns that continue getting in the way of the life they want.

I also specialize in working with LGBTQIA plus and autistic or neurodivergent adults.

If you feel like you have spent enough time understanding why you are stuck and are ready to start changing the way your past affects your present, EMDR may be one option we explore together.

Your experiences are part of your story.

They do not have to keep writing the rest of it.